


daves d surgary

by vriskastrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, F/M, Freudian Elements, Hook-Up, Online Dating, Surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 02:50:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8083801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vriskastrider/pseuds/vriskastrider
Summary: dave goes to surgary to hook up with a cool alien he met in a datingd site.





	

DAVES D SURGARY  
  
dave strider was a cool dude who was hitting up some ppl in dating sites in his room witch was in texas or sth i dont realy remembar. but the point here is that dave got TONS of hits and ppl were fuckig hitting on him all around.  
  
"hi dave do u sexx" axed some body who was caled "DAVELOVV69"  
"fucking hel john is this ur alt acct againg" axed dave angeredly.  
"no dave its me uhhhh" typed "DAVELOVV69"  
"just shit up" dave angered and closed the chat.  
  
ok maybe all of the 5000 ppl who matched with dave were johns alt accs so he was p sad. but then he got a mystery msg from "VRISKA888"!!! whath the hell who the FUCK could it be?  
  
"whay the hell who the FUCK r u??" typed dave into the chat.  
"hi im vriska wants sex??" axed VRISKA8888.  
"ok" said dave "r u near"  
"yes im at ur door"  
"ok i can open it"  
  
and dave went to the door and opened it becaus ethats what u do when u fucking want to meet sb at the other side of the door. ok tbf u can ALSO use the god damn door little galss thing that shows u whose there?? but then again who else could it be than "VRISKA8888".  
  
it was JHON!!  
  
"go to HELL jno" dava angered andd almost slammed the door, but then some body MYSTEROUS PUNCHED JOHN INTO THE FACE AND HE FELL INTO THE FLOOR CRYIGN!!!  
  
"whow who r u" axed dave  
"its me vriska" said vriska. and dave saw that it indeed was the viska from the dating site becaus she looked the same as in the pixx. and srlsy WHO THE HELL USES A WRONG pic in the dating site???? ok tbf dave had a pix of sweet bro but thats not realy cheating because it represetn how pure daves SOUL is, because its fucknig art.  
  
"ok lets sexx" said vriska. she had HUGE BOOBES (radius almost 0.5m) and HUGE HORNS (length almost 2m) and HUGE ASS (volum almost 2m^2). wait what te HELL why did she have GRAY SKIN and HORSN???  
  
"what the fuck do u have hornses and greyskin??" axed dave.  
"becas, im an ALIEN you fuck idiot" angered vriska.  
"ok" said dave. "dont care lets sexxx"  
  
and they went to daves bed room witch was filled with sords and puppets and all that cool dude shit. but sudenly BRO APPERAED AND WANTED TO STRIFE!!!!  
  
"not now DAD im HAVING SEXX" angered dave and punshed bro to his fucking face, but bro was fatsre. it was UNREAL how fast he was being. later scientits came and measured the fast, and, it was ALMOST 900000 KILOMETERS PER SECOND witch is PRETY FUCKING FAST fyi.  
  
"let me hanle this" said vriska and used MAGIC to fucking kill bro.  
"yes now letss secx" dave said and started to getting naked because thats the fucking thing u do when u do sexx. most of the time a tleast.  
  
but when he was removed the cloths vriska suddenly angered and yelled "EEWWWWW WHATH THE FUCKING FUCK????"  
  
"whats te problem" axed dave insultedly "i trained fucking 9000 hours for the se god damn abs. r they not ok for u?? HOW FUCKING LARGE MUSCLES DOES A MAN NEED TO PLEASE WONANS TODASYS???"  
  
"thats... realy not the isue" said vriska and slowly backed out of the bed room. "dude WHERES YOUR HATE DICK???"  
  
"whath the hell"  
  
"A HATE DICK IS OBVIOUSLY THE 2RD DICK U HAVE AFTER UR LOVE DICK" angedred vriska "SIREOUSLU DUDE im FUCKIN GNOT gonna hook up with some ALYEN WEIRDO who DOESNT EVEN HAVE 2DICKS WHATH THE HELL???"  
  
dave was saddedned. vriska ran out and slammed the fucking door so hard the whole building almost collapsed. but dave wouldnt really have cared becaus he was SAD AS HELL!!! what could he do 2 make vriska happy again??  
  
THEN he got a idea and went 2 the interet to get some facts....  
  
\---  
  
LATER IN THE SAME WEEK  
  
\---  
  
"hell o im dr rose lalande" siad dr rose lalande "ur u here 4 the... operation??"  
  
"yes thats right" said dave "ok when do we start this shit??"  
  
"right now come" said dr rose lalande. and they went into a dark room that was obviously a surgary room, because read the fucking title of this story???? its DAVES D SURGERY and not some thing like DAVES GROCETY STORE VISIT or DAVE KILLS HIM SELF DUE TO CONSTANT EXISTNETIAL DREAD THAT FUCKING DESTROYES HIS LIFE or some thing like that.  
  
but the point here is that they went in2 the surgary room.  
  
"ok what do we do now" axed dave "1th whos the donor or r u gona make me a sciecne hate d??"  
  
"that woudl be COOL AS HELL" said dr rose lalande and sighed and mentally noted her self 2 research more in2 the area of ARTICIFLA HATE DICK CONSTRUCTION IN ORDER 2 HOOK UP WITH NEED YALIESN. "but no our donor today is mr equius"  
  
ad the lights DRAMATICALLY WENT BRIGHT!!! and dave saw that there were 2 beds and in one there was a old sweaty alien man who persumably was "MR EQUIUS" unless the fucking hospital had a habit of having strangers watch dick surgeryes. and fyi that wold be a FUCKING SHIT GOSPITAL. who the hell wants some stranger to watch u EITHER HAVE A DICK CUT AwaY OR HAVE A DICK PUT IN2 U??? NO BODY THATS WHO  
  
"ok mr equius" said dr rose lalande "can u pls get ur 'man tower expansion' on if u know what im saying because its required for the fucking surgary"  
  
"LOL ILAREDY DO" smiled mr equius  
  
dave fucking sighned. cant u even have a dick tranpslant operation with out some body making it weird these days????  
  
\---  
  
AND EVNE MORE LATER  
  
\---  
  
AND THEN vriska was stisfied with daves 2 dicks and dave was alredy ok with vriskas 2 dicks because he wasent a fucknig spaec racist and then they had HOTT SEXX for like 90 years. END


End file.
